Ian wanted to know what the "pink circles" were on the cat's tummy. I reminded him that those are nipples and that many animals have nipples like people do. We had talked about nipples and breastfeeding before when he saw his cousin being breastfed so we reviewed that a bit as I told him that is how kittens/cubs eat. I went on to say that he did that with me just as I did that with my mother when I was young and daddy did with his mother etc. Even though Ian in many ways is not a "typical" child (and in many other ways he is, if "typical" even exists), I was still preparing myself for him to be grossed out or kind of disturbed by this as if he could not imagine what nursing from a mother would be like.
Then he said "Why don't I do that?"
It was one of those proud parent moments and I smiled and thought about how much that question is so who he is: curious, open, warm, cuddly, intelligent...and very much his own person and not one to come to automatic judgments about things. I just wanted to bottle up that moment and save it for later, there was something so beautiful about it.
I then explained that babies (human and animal) nurse from the mother for a varied amount of time until their bodies, teeth etc are ready for more adult food. I told him that I fed him this way until his body told me that it needed more and then we transitioned to food like he is eating now. This also led me to explain about the umbilical cord and how when babies are inside the mother she feeds them through the cord and then when babies are born they learn how to get their food from the outside of the mother's body instead of the inside.
Then it happened. He said this: "How do the babies get inside?"
I paused having one of those parental "oh fuck" moments. Then I calmly said that sometimes a boy animal and a girl animal who are grown up get really close together and share fluids that then go inside of the girl animal and occasionally grow into a baby. Then the mommy feeds the baby, breathes for it and takes care of it until it is ready to come out into the world.
He said: "Oh. That's neat!" And then went to build something with legos.
I'm really glad that I didn't have to elaborate on that. I have learned with Ian, because he is so curious and open, that he needs me to answer him as simply as I can but honestly, in chunks that he can understand or almost understand. He trusts what I say and will think about it and digest it over a period of time and then if he wants any clarification he will come back and ask for it. I love that he wasn't disgusted or overwhelmed and when I stated several times how beautiful and wonderful I thought it all is, he agreed.
I flew by the seat of my pants on that one and I it helped that we were talking about an animal first and then I included people and made it more personal for him. I hadn't really thought a lot about having this conversation and didn't really expect that it would come this soon even in this simple form but looking back I am really glad I didn't have more time to think about it and then go down the "when a man and a woman love each other" route. This is so much better, so much more honest. It is magic, but the magic is not always in the way that the animals or humans "come together," although sometimes that exists. Best to focus on the magic that happens after that and somehow not make it sound as if a fairytale involving love always leads this to happen. I'm not sure why parents include that part really, and I'll have to think about what his next delving questions might be and be more prepared because I think he's going to think of things early and not be satisfied with answers that other children might be.
That's my child. I am so lucky. What a gift.
For the last few years, since leaving the shackles of a very narrow minded religion behind, I've often asked people who never had such limits how they handled this topic with their children. Yours must be the most beautiful I've ever heard.
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