The Soul and Center

Last weekend I wrote this blog about my work.

http://ahousewithaview-esbatmoon.blogspot.com/2013/12/home-away-from-home.html

This weekend I'm reading a book called A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett and I found this passage that resonated with me.  I had to smile...

“She cares about ‘em.  Even the stupid, mean, droolin' ones, the mothers with the runny babies and no sense, the feckless and the silly and the fools who treat her like some kind of a servant.  Now that’s what I call magic – seein’ all that, dealin’ with all that, and still goin’ on.  It’s sittin’ up all night with some poor old man who’s leavin’ the world, taking away such pain as you can, confortin’ their terror, seein’ them safely on their way . . . and then cleanin’ ‘em up, layin’ ‘em out, making ‘em neat for the funeral, and helpin’ the weeping widow strip the bed and wash the sheets – which is, let me tell you, no errand for the fainthearted – and stayin’ up the next night to watch over the coffin before the funeral, and then going home and sitting down for five minutes before some shouting angry man comes bangin’ on your door ‘cuz his wife’s havin’ difficulty givin’ birth to their first child and the midwife’s at her wits’ end and then getting up and fetching your bag and going out again . . . .We all do that, in our own way,  and she does it better’n me, if I was to put my hand on my heart.  That is the root and heart and soul and center of witchcraft, that is.  The soul and center!” Mistress Weatherwax smacked her fist into her hand, hammering out her words.  The . . . . soul . . . . and . . . . center!”

Echoes came back from the trees in the sudden silence.  Even the grasshoppers by the side of the track had stopped sizzling. 

“And Mrs. Earwig, said Miss Weatherwax, her voice sinking to a growl, “Mrs. Earwig tells her girls it’s about cosmic balances and stars and circles and colors and wands and . . . . toys, nothing but toys!  She sniffed.  “Oh I daresay they’re all very well as decoration, somethin’ nice to look at while you’re workin’, somethin’ for show, but the start and finish, the start and finish, is helpin’ people when life is on the edge.  Even people you don’t like.  Stars is easy, people is hard.” 

She stopped talking.  It was several seconds before birds began to sing again. 
. . . .

“That’s why we do all the tramping around and docterin’ and stuff,” said Mistress Weatherwax.  “Well, and because it makes people a bit better, of course.  But doing it moves you into your center, so’s you don’t wobble.  It anchors you.  Keeps you human, stops you cackling.  Just like your granny with her sheep, which are to my mind as stupid and wayward and ungrateful as humans.”  

The Birds and the Bees

The other day my son Ian (5 & 1/2 years old) and I were hanging out at home and he saw a picture of a female leopard with a cub attached to an article I was reading on the computer which led to the most interesting conversation...

Ian wanted to know what the "pink circles" were on the cat's tummy.  I reminded him that those are nipples and that many animals have nipples like people do.  We had talked about nipples and breastfeeding before when he saw his cousin being breastfed so we reviewed that a bit as I told him that is how kittens/cubs eat.  I went on to say that he did that with me just as I did that with my mother when I was young and daddy did with his mother etc.  Even though Ian in many ways is not a "typical" child (and in many other ways he is, if "typical" even exists), I was still preparing myself for him to be grossed out or kind of disturbed by this as if he could not imagine what nursing from a mother would be like. 

Then he said "Why don't I do that?" 

It was one of those proud parent moments and I smiled and thought about how much that question is so who he is: curious, open, warm, cuddly, intelligent...and very much his own person and not one to come to automatic judgments about things.  I just wanted to bottle up that moment and save it for later, there was something so beautiful about it. 

I then explained that babies (human and animal) nurse from the mother for a varied amount of time until their bodies, teeth etc are ready for more adult food.  I told him that I fed him this way until his body told me that it needed more and then we transitioned to food like he is eating now.  This also led me to explain about the umbilical cord and how when babies are inside the mother she feeds them through the cord and then when babies are born they learn how to get their food from the outside of the mother's body instead of the inside. 

Then it happened.  He said this: "How do the babies get inside?" 

I paused having one of those parental "oh fuck" moments.  Then I calmly said that sometimes a boy animal and a girl animal who are grown up get really close together and share fluids that then go inside of the girl animal and occasionally grow into a baby.  Then the mommy feeds the baby, breathes for it and takes care of it until it is ready to come out into the world. 

He said: "Oh.  That's neat!"  And then went to build something with legos. 

I'm really glad that I didn't have to elaborate on that.  I have learned with Ian, because he is so curious and open, that he needs me to answer him as simply as I can but honestly, in chunks that he can understand or almost understand.  He trusts what I say and will think about it and digest it over a period of time and then if he wants any clarification he will come back and ask for it.  I love that he wasn't disgusted or overwhelmed and when I stated several times how beautiful and wonderful I thought it all is, he agreed. 

I flew by the seat of my pants on that one and I it helped that we were talking about an animal first and then I included people and made it more personal for him.  I hadn't really thought a lot about having this conversation and didn't really expect that it would come this soon even in this simple form but looking back I am really glad I didn't have more time to think about it and then go down the "when a man and a woman love each other" route.  This is so much better, so much more honest.  It is magic, but the magic is not always in the way that the animals or humans "come together," although sometimes that exists.  Best to focus on the magic that happens after that and somehow not make it sound as if a fairytale involving love always leads this to happen.  I'm not sure why parents include that part really, and I'll have to think about what his next delving questions might be and be more prepared because I think he's going to think of things early and not be satisfied with answers that other children might be. 

That's my child.  I am so lucky.  What a gift.

A Home Away from Home

I work in Social Services in a “home” to five people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.  It’s in a suburban development in a little Pennsylvania farm town.  It is a six bedroom ranch-style house that looks like any other house in the neighborhood.  Most people who live nearby do not know that services are provided for people there and that it is rented by a human services organization.  A few observant folks have put it together from the handicapped van in the driveway and the constant flow of different employee vehicles that go in and out at certain times of the day. 

As for the individuals who live there, four out of five are elderly.  Three out of five use wheelchairs because they are unable to walk.  Four out of five people have been in some kind of social services for most or all of their lives.  Two out of five have family who visit with them.  One of those two people came back with a cigarette burn on his arm the last time he visited his family.  One has family who only visits with him because there is money in the family and it is thought that after a death it will go to the person seen as the “caretaker” for this individual.  One person used to live in a state mental hospital the name of which is still whispered in this geographic area because such atrocities are known to have been committed there.  Two people are diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome.  Three out of five people cannot control their bowels and have special diets prescribed for them, one consisting entirely of liquid.  All of these individuals have difficulty communicating with others to varying degrees.  One has a deformed limb.  One has severe neuropathy and others have increased or decreased pain sensitivities because of various medical conditions and it is often unclear if they are experiencing pain.  The individual who has neuropathy has pain so severe with his condition that he is prescribed Vicodin to be taken three times daily…I have never, ever, heard him complain about pain or say “ouch” though he often winces as I carefully move him to his bed at the end of the day and remove his shoes from his swollen feet.  One person is missing a limb which may possibly be due to inferior/inadequate medical care due to her inability to communicate.  Five out of five individuals take medications for their conditions and trust others that it is the right thing to do since they do not understand what they are or how they work.  One person is legally blind, one lacks depth perception and one has severe hearing loss.  Believe it or not, this is just the tip of the medical iceberg – I could go on and on, and then I could add mental health issues, environmental stressors, past trauma incurred in this environment and no doubt in others. 

Five out of the five people have names.  Five out of five had parents and often siblings, friends and relatives who are now physically gone from their lives, dead or absent.  All of them are excited to see me when I walk in the door.  One person has asked me if he can move into a bigger house so that I can live there all of the time.  Five people tell me I’m their friend.  One person loves to joke with me and pouts when I am too busy to watch his favorite zombie show with him.  One person says “thank you” after I feed him or help him take a shower…every time.  One person tells me that he loves me and always tries to tickle me as I put him to bed at night.  One person asks me to talk to the ghosts in his room and to ask them nicely to let him sleep, and I do, always (at least four people that we know of have died in his room – he regularly sees lots of things we cannot see).  One person used to be a weightlifter.  One person looks at photographs from his past for hours each day.  Two people have significant others who they work with.  Five out of five people love children and animals.  One person always asks when I will be back and every time is disappointed that I am not returning sooner.  Two sleep with teddy bears.  One “intellectually disabled” individual, who is also usually the most nonverbal, understands some Amharic from the Ethiopian employees and occasionally answers them in their language.  One likes to kiss my cheek. 

Three out of five people go to a work deemed appropriate for their physical limitations 5 days a week and make less than minimum wage.  Five out of five people cannot go outside of their home unless they ask someone first and/or have assistance.  Five out of five people are not allowed to have a cat or a dog since they are not able to take care of it.  Five out of five people are stared at by others when they go outside of their home.  Five out of five are not valued by our society, just as they are not valued by their own families.  Five out of five do not spend time with people who are nice to them who do not get compensated for it.  Five out of five have experienced people being paid to spend time with them who are not nice to them anyway or have been abusive.  Five out of five are affected by “budget cuts” and do not understand this concept.  Five out of five are marginalized.   Five out of five rely on others – paid workers and strangers – to be their voice to stay healthy and literally continue to live in our society.  Five out of five people are completely at the mercy of strangers.  I think of these five people and the hundreds of others I have personally worked with over the years every time I hear someone say they are “pro-life.” And I am ardently pro-choice. 

Five out of these five people are my gurus.  I think of them every day, whether I work or not.  

My spirituality consists of what I consider to be direct experience (including inner experiences).  Therefore it sounds inaccurate to me to say “I believe”…but it sounds arrogant to say that “I know.”  So I will simply state that we, humans and animals, choose our incarnations.  We have lots of choices before we come here, and once here, we have certain other choices and “exit points,” multiple exit points that our consciousness and whole Being (because who we “Are” is not entirely here or even in the same place all at once) can choose.  I am in awe of Beings who choose difficult lives, or earthly lives that seem to involve little “choice” since from my perspective this is an intentional foray into one of the most difficult and physically dense existences possible.  I see all Beings as my partners and teachers, but especially these Beings.  It is my privilege to be able to support myself and my son by spending time learning in all aspects from these remarkable people.

                                           Wassily Kandinsky, Heavy Circles, 1927

Self-Love

In our society, being comfortable in our own skin, especially if one is a woman, is a radical act. Just think about this and its implications. We send ripples of our relationship with ourselves out into the world and the universe in every instant. Are those ripples messages of self-love or of self-loathing? Who and what is being affected by them? Where do they stop? With ripples or currents...in the ocean, for instance, everything is affected and connected...

NOAA: "The ocean covers 71 percent of the Earth's surface and contains 97 percent of the planet's water, yet more than 95 percent of the underwater world remains unexplored. The ocean and lakes play an integral role in many of the Earth's systems including climate and weather."

NASA: "About 70 percent of the human body is made up of water and, coincidentally, more than 70 percent of Earth is covered in water. Water creates an environment that sustains and nurtures plants, animals and humans, making Earth a perfect match for life in general."

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”
― Masaru Emoto, The Secret Life of Water
 

"The magic begins in you.  Feel your own energy, and realize similar energy exists within the Earth, stones, plants, water, wind, fire, colors and animals.
- Scott Cunningham

It's all connected. <3

female ejaculation, the releasing of Amrita, woman's sacred feminine waters.

                               Masaru Emoto: Water, Consciousness and Intent

The Golden Snake

Michael Parkes - Golden Serpent

I have had dreams about snakes for as long as I can remember.  I tend to have them more when I am not taking care of my Whole Self properly and/or am in a state of transition in my life.  I have a few that are similar and are recurring and I have some that (seemingly) have nothing to do with the others and I never have again.  Last night I had a new one that was fairly simple but I thought also very beautiful.  I wrote what I could remember of it down upon waking and am going to write it here so that I can refer back to it.  I have my own ideas about what what it means for me (and the world) but comments are always welcome.  

I was in a cavern made up of smooth stones stacked on one another.  The cavern wasn't pitch black but it was dark.  I was with two men.  We were looking at a golden snake that had entwined itself through the smooth rocks and was looking down at us.  Its color was amazing and it actually illuminated the cavern.  Breathtakingly beautiful and somehow otherworldly, it regarded us serenely and somewhat curiously from its place in the space of the rocks. 

No words were exchanged in the dream, but I knew the intentions of the two men who were with me.  None of us had ever seen such a beautifully-colored snake before and we were all mesmerized, each in our own way.  The man on the left of me wanted to capture the snake an sell it, dead (for the skin) or alive (as a specimen or exotic pet) to whoever would give him the most money for it.  I felt his intention as he looked at it of grabbing it with one hand and pulling it forcefully from the rocks.  I couldn't shake this vision and I felt a knot in my stomach and knew I had to protect the snake at all costs, even my life.  It was not to be disturbed. 

The man to the right of me wanted to classify it and name it.  He was a researcher and couldn't wait to return to his colleagues so that they could all come to the cavern and look for themselves.  The snake didn't fit the description of any he had in his books and yet for some reason I felt him have this NEED to identify it and to name it.  His intentions felt less overtly cruel than the man on my left but from his consciousness I felt ignorance and I knew the snake was to be left alone and not to be observed by the throng of researchers the man wanted to gather there. 

As I felt the intentions of the men beside me I also was open to the consciousness of the snake and we communicated.  I wanted nothing more than to assure the snake that if it chose to do so it was the right time to make itself known and come out of the rocks.  In some ways it WAS the right time for the snake to emerge but I also felt the knot in my stomach and a deep sadness from the intentions of the others who stood before the snake.  I knew if I talked gently to the snake and reassured it, it would come to me out of the rocks.  But I didn't know if I would be able to protect it.  So I just sent it love but didn't try to coax it out of its perch in the rocks.  Until the people regarding the snake have enough collective Wisdom the snake will live in the rocks, waiting.  Patiently, lovingly and curiously regarding us but waiting until the time is right.



Earth

                                              Anima Mundi by Roberto Ferri

Them:  How about a life on Earth?  There are some REALLY interesting things happening there. 

Me: Earth?  Hmm.  Lots of potential for growth, but so hard, so dense, ouch.  I could use a rest, I just got back.  I always seem to bite off more than I can chew and forget how hard things can be once I get where I am going, although the challenge does appeal to me.  I dunno. 

Them:  You'll remember what it's like here, you will remember more than most others and it will enable you to face pain and take chances to grow and eventually give back to the world in your own unique way that will be significant.  You know you can always leave whenever you want to, although on Earth that can be a little messy for those you leave behind, still doable though if you feel you need it.

Me: Are you bribing me? And if so what else are you going to throw in there? :)

Them: Not exactly, but you'll have two other rare things where you will be able to connect fully so you don't get too lonely.

Me:  I'm listening...

Them:  When you come of age and are on your own, in love for the first time, away from home, the world opening up to you, intellect soaking up what you choose like a sponge, possibilities endless, you will have what some people on Earth call a "near death experience."  Except we'll skip the death part and just give you what you need to let you know you're on the right track.  You'll refer to it for the rest of your life.  Instead of just "remembering," the door will fly open and you can come through, plug into the Universe and re-experience for a while and "re-member" with your body.  Illusions will fall away and it will get easier for you but harder too.  You will be able to experience again and be a part of what you "remember" and from then on, you will take those remembrances and your intuition much more seriously than most people and it will guide you.  You will find others like you, but different, and you will learn and experience with them.  This will comfort you.

Me:  hmmmm....

Them: Also, when humans have sex, most glimpse the divine, or what they can see of it.  For you, the door will open, not as fully as before where you were completely flooded, but you will be able to come through and feel what you are missing in this way whenever you want to or feel that you need to.  Others may not understand this, but it really doesn't matter.  Even if they don't understand, most who witness it will be drawn to helping you in any way they can with this.  You will experiment with this your whole life and will have some people you were meant to connect with who have also been through the door and plugged in, and they can go with you.  Find them and learn.  Of course you know you also visit during the dreamtime, or more accurately, you visit Earth when you are not in it or otherwise opening the door.  And this is all simultaneous, though you won't experience it as such even if you remember, but you will sense this.  And remember how short a lifetime really is.  So you see, you aren't really leaving, ever, just visiting and bringing back with you.   

Me:  Okay, I'm ready.  That sex thing sold me.  ;)

Living Things

I thought I'd start dedicating some blog posts to the music in my life because I know how much I love being turned onto new music. You're welcome ;)

The first music blog is dedicated to the band Living Things. Link to their site: http://www.livingthingsband.com/

I found this band when I went to see The Cult a while back and they opened some of their shows. I had never heard of them and loved what I heard. I giggled when they took the stage exclaiming "We are Living Things!" - cute, so cute. Right on. :)

Some of their music one might be tempted to casually dismiss as rather generic Pop or mindless Punk, but minimal further investigation does not support this. What I like most about Living Things is their versatility. I was first attracted to their Punk edge (which was a bit more evident live than on the recorded Habeas Corpus) but soon discovered their more ostensibly "Poppy" tracks which are actually satire-ific.  On the post-Habeas Corpus Malocchio Mixtape one could classify the song Pollen Path as almost "New Age" in feel and some of the others as Reggae-esque. Not to mention the genius of the Pollen Path video which I will reference specifically below.  Truly multifarious for a young Rock band.  I can't wait to see what they will do in the years to come.  Lillian Berlin reminds me of Jack White in his "everything I touch comes to life as art" knack.  Thank the Gods.

From Ahead of the Lions (2005)



Habeas Corpus (2009) has some political gems, among them:





The following are from the relatively recent Malocchio Mixtape (2011). Pollen Path was accompanied by an incredibly creative video. This is from a Spin article regarding the video:

"Living Things have produced a stunning video for the new song "Pollen Path," which is featured on a free downloadable mixtape Malocchio. (Grab it for free at their official website). The clip was directed by Berlin's wife, Floria Sigismondi, who has directed videos for the White Stripes, David Bowie, and Marilyn Manson.

The inspiration? The couple's daughter, who stars in it. "She was describing this really vivid dream and we were like, 'Wow, that sounds like a movie,'" says Berlin. "Being the artistic household we are, we talked about bringing her dream to life." And they did: the graceful, Dali-esque clip is a haunting, 7-minute epic, featuring their daughter dancing in falling glitter and wandering around an abdandoned beach littered with decaying bedroom furniture, puppets, and a broken clock."

Link to referenced Spin article: http://www.spin.com/node/87611



Other songs from the Malocchio mixtape include Postmortem Bliss.  Love the Reggae spin.  Oh, and make sure you listen to the whole thing.  <3



The Malocchio mixtape is available for free download on the band's site, linked above. Living Things recently formed their own record label and have promised a 27-track indie production next month. It looks as though it may be running a bit late but hopefully there will be new Living Things yet this year!